(Brace for a piss-parade, folks!)
With the good comes the bad, my beloved readers! In my last post I celebrated the five artists, bands or albums which made the greatest impressions on me throughout the year and in this post I would like to state the worst. Much like before, this list won’t just be a compilation of shit albums throughout the year, it will be a commemoration of the people and music which brought me the most disgust, disappointment or generally just made me regret the time I invested in the work. Strap in as I strap on and fuck my way through the worst piss stains of the year.
5. Taylor Swift Fans
Those following the musical news of 2017 may have noted the controversy surrounding Taylor Swift and her “reckless” post about the year. In the caption of a photo taken at one of her concerts in London, she stated that she “couldn’t have asked for a better year” and that she owed this happiness to the fans who enabled her success. A nice sentiment, yes? Apparently not! In response to this “tasteless” and “dismissive” post, fans rallied to a bombardment of criticisms and general abuse regarding Swift’s refusal to acknowledge any political matters or comment on the events of the world.
Now don’t get me wrong; Taylor Swift is as much a dickhead as everybody else in the business and I don’t like her music at all, but let’s not forget that she is still a fucking human being and, most importantly, an artist. I don’t feel it necessary to explain the various duties of a politician and how they vary to the responsibilities that come with being an artist, but she has absolutely no obligation to validate anybody’s political opinions or state her opinions of world events. The woman is her own entity, and the deluded and juvenile nature of her fans need to accept this. They made the list because they represent a huge issue in today’s SJW mentality and have justified my complete resentment of humanity and modern society.
4. Royal Blood
In a brief overview of the year, I thought back with much dismay and incredible disappointment that came in the form of 2017 release, When Did We Get So Dark? The band had me won over with their self-titled album in 2014 but when I saw them later at Leeds Fest they swiftly unravelled the admiration I had for them with one of the more disappointing live performances I have ever seen.
Fast forward to 2017 and they’ve secured a standing as one of the most disappointing bands in my life. Everything about their most recent album is a total exhibition of total laziness in the song composition, the creativity and even the length of the album! Without a single track coming somewhat close to the quality of their first album, they wasted a fair allocation of my time with an album evidencing that they are no longer a band worth following or caring for. Check out their self-titled album and forget about them, just as the rest of the world has.
With a total absence from my life for a great many years, Eminem held a special place in my heart for a long time. I had always considered him fondly and constantly regarded his Slim Shady LP with consideration and respect and it wasn’t until the release of Revival that I had any considerable reason to contest this admiration.
Revival was just dreadful. It was a gleaming example of just how far a person can fall from greatness all wrapped up in a package of total mediocrity. In addition to having more filler than the one slut at a frat party, the album drags on for longer than an online debate with an SJW without ever ascending into something mildly interesting or engaging. It’s a dreadfully dull affair and the sheer length makes for a totally painful and uninteresting product which often feels like a genuine struggle to commit to for the full duration of the album.
2. Rolling Stone Magazine
Prior to my pursuit of writing as a profession, I just accepted their reputation and even held a measure of respect for them. I saw them constantly featured and recognised by the musical community and welcomed them purely on reputation alone. When I began writing, I took time to read their articles and look at their lists and it was only then I began to realise the extent of their pretentiousness and adherence to means of pandering to the audience.
With so much of their work driven with the intent of appealing to popular opinion, they sacrifice their own credibility and personality to cater to the opinions of the mass population, often falling back onto pretentious and desperate justifications to appeal to the vast majority. The many writings they released throughout the year have done nothing but convince me that they are the epitome of everything I hate in music journalism. They’re insincere, totally deluded by mass appeal and seem so terrified at the idea of offending a reader or demographic that they will completely dismiss their own integrity for the sake of a positive reputation. They earned a place on this list for pissing all over the respect I have for music journalism as a craft.
1. Tony Conrad
Long time followers of my blog may remember my thoughts on Tony Conrad’s Ten Years Alive On The Infinite Plain. To this day, it stands bounds above all others as the worst thing I have ever listened to in my entire fucking life. Initially discovering the piece through an overwhelmingly positive review in Mojo Magazine, the album forced me to completely re-evaluate my respect for professional music critics and further incentivised me into a completely honest and unbiased approach to my own writing. To see this absolute bullshit met with such incredible praise was absolutely disgraceful and I never wanted to be responsible for such a grievous abuse of trust.
I shan’t repeat my thoughts in expansive detail as they won’t vary from the full album review I wrote in the days long before I took my blog to Facebook, but the album itself is the absolute antithesis of artist talent and ability, the pretentious and hate-inducing nature of the work matched only by Andy Warhol’s universally panned Empire. I personally consider the only positive aspect of Ten Years Alive On The Infinite Plain to be that the title itself is a fucking gift to anybody struggling to meet a minimum word count in a written piece of work.
Even thinking about this detestable and offensive shit-parade induces feelings of anger and disappointment so I shall in turn leave you with a link to my previous review of the album and the genuine request that you listen to the piece yourself from start to finish. I mean it! It’s on Spotify and it’s not hard to find! The album was total fucking torture and is and always will be the sole wielder of the revered Golden Shower Award!